The plot of "Riverdale" Season One was VERY simple: Who killed Jason Blossom? And by the end of the season, that question was not only answered but answered logically and without any lingering doubts. Despite being hilariously written angsty teenage schlock, Season One wasn't bad. Then came a little thing called The Black Hood...and Season Two. Season Two was a bit of a mess but manageable. Season Two decided to make Betty the center of everything by involving her in not 1 but 2 plots, the aforementioned Black Hood storyline (which began with Archie so he really should've been the one to finish that) and The "Chick" storyline that might as well have been called The "We really didn't have a point for this except that Chick was a character from the comic book so we added him anyway". Not to mention there was the gang war started by Hiram Lodge between The Ghoulies and The Serpents and his eventual takeover of the Southside...oh yeah and something about Penelope Blossom and her husbands' twin brother whose name I can't be bothered to look up threatening to kill Cheryl's grandmother. Yeah...a whole lotta stuff happened. Despite that, once again the MAIN plot thread (The Black Hood) was tied up in an uneven, stupidly tied bow but a bow nonetheless.
Then Season Three happened...and after having watched 7 episodes of this I can honestly say I have no clue just what the f*ck is going on. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of what's happening but how it all meshes together is completely beyond me. Let's start with what (very little) I do know: there's a game called Griffins & Gargoyles the setting of the game is the kingdom of Eldirvar (an obvious anagram for Riverdale). G&G, as it's called in the series, is an analog for Riverdale, the town its self and the various factions within it, namely The Serpents, The Ghoulies etc. This game was discovered by the parents of the main characters during one happenstance detention sentence and they all played it heavily...eventually LARPing with it. One night during an Ascension Party someone brought a chalice of poison with the intentions of someone drinking it, Alice spotted The Gargoyle King in the hallway during a drug mania induced by fizzle rocks...(that's a sentence I actually typed). Long story short, Alice finds the chalices but doesn't drink and sometime later the Principal is found dead in the broom closet having drunk from the chalice himself...and somehow the parents are culpable.
Before I go on allow me to explain how they could have gotten out of this and are NOT culpable AT ALL. For starters YES, they are culpable for breaking into the school and that is indeed illegal, but once the authorities see that they didn't vandalize the property or anything I'd imagine the most they'd get is community service. On that note, the reason they're not at fault is because THE PRINCIPAL DRUNK FROM THE CHALICE HIMSELF!! Who looks at two suspicious cups of God knows what and says "Down the hatch!"? No one forced him to drink it. Furthermore, no one can even attest to those cups being placed anywhere with the intention of anyone drinking it. Basically, what I'm saying is if I left a bottle of sulphuric acid and dyed it blue and left it in the bathroom and someone drank it, I'm not a murderer, I'm not even a man-slaughterer, I'm incredibly careless but at least I'm not careless enough to drink something I have no clue what the contents are.
That aside now G&G is making a full comeback having claimed the lives of Dilton Doiley and...er...friend. The Parents are all up in arms that the "evil" game has returned and The Gargoyle King is back as well having claimed Ethel as his disciple. Not only that but now G&G seems to have spread even further with Archie's prison warden calling Archie "The Red Paladin" and claiming allegiance to a force more powerful than Hiram Lodge. Now Betty is trapped in an asylum where everyone is drawing pictures of The Gargoyle King and getting good and doped up on fizzle rocks. Not only that but Ethel is apparently BFFs with this special effects class project and this alliance gives her the ability to basically call the shots within The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy. Last but not least there's The Farm, a cult that Alice & Polly joined that's NOT run by Joe Carroll (or Billy Grimm for that matter...a pox on you CW...seriously, a pox on you) but is instead controlled by some non-entity we have yet to meet named Edgar Neverever...or Evernever...or nevermind.
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| Not even Billy Grimm knows what's going on in this damn show. |
The Farm has been mentioned numerous times over the span of a few seasons and I was under the impression that it'd take center stage as the main plot of this season (given how it featured the twins being placed over a fire pit and not The Gargoyle King). However, considering we have yet to meet Edgar Evergonnashowup I have a sneaking suspicion that he's The Gargoyle King, how or why that'd make sense is anyone's guess (including the writers) but that's my theory so far. Theories are basically all we have considering this season views like it's been written by several people NOT communicating. I have the feeling production meetings for this show are not unlike pornos where stuff starts to happen and before things get outta hand someone protests only to be silenced by quiet whispers of "Shhh, let it happen.", except unlike porn, this ends with a headache and questions. All that said, let's dive in;
