"The River" tells the story of Lincoln Cole, the son of famed TV explorer Dr. Emmet Cole who had a TV series (ala' "National Geographic" meets "Crocodile Hunter") who went missing in The Amazon basin and never returned. Six months after his disappearance, Lincoln and family get a clue that he might be alive and mount a party to search for him.
That's the plot. Despite having a powerhouse of big names behind its production Jason Blum, Oren Peli, and Steven freakin' Spielberg "The River" got the axe after only 8 episodes making the air on ABC. From what I remember after the series' debut there was no buzz about the show whatsoever, none in favor and none against, so that was one strike against it and the next strike was Leslie Hope. Much like Blair Underwood, previously mentioned in my review of "The Event", Leslie Hope is another actor who is considered TV cancer.
Very few TV shows survive in which she is given a main role, the most successful being "24" and that's partly because (spoilers). However, the curse of Leslie Hope seems to be getting weaker considering she's had several appearances on other TV shows which survived. It isn't her acting, she's a fine actress, she just seems to be a lightning rod for bad projects or things destined to fail. That being said, I did attempt back when it came out to watch "The River" as it was available on Hulu and HOLY CRAP. The 1st episode had reached a level of boredom that I thought was unobtainable by human means. I remember the 1st episode being boring but for the life of me I can't remember what happened which makes me question as to whether or not I really watched it or not.
I do remember the characters being on a boat, I remember Paul Blackthrone and me going "Hey, that's Stephen Saunders, AWESOME!" but I can't remember much else. The series stars Joe Anderson (who'd later become Mason Verger in the 3rd Season of "Hannibal"), TV Cancer Leslie Hope (Teri Bauer from "24"), Thomas Kertschmann (Max also from "24"), Bruce Greenwood and Katie Featherstone (from "Paranormal Activity"). So in this installment of Project Canceled, we're gonna take a look at "The River". Going into this I'm hoping I'm wrong about this series as it wasn't quite as boring as I remember it...or don't...still not sure which and hopefully see where this project went wrong. So join me as we set sail down "The River".
So after watching the pilot, I have to say GOOD GRAVY THIS IS BORING BEYOND than what I originally expected! So aside from the premise, the pilot episode really brings us up to speed on what's going on. The character Dr. Emmet Cole's (not ashamed that I had to scroll back up to get his name) catchphrase for his discovery show was "There's magic out there!" (in referencing nature). As it turns out he was looking for real magic and found it, not only did he find it but he managed to draw the attention of some kind of creature that many months later Lincoln and his crew managed to unleash. At least in the first episode. The first episode establishes some things that I honestly could care less about; for starters, Lincoln is such a non-present character, and by that I mean I barely notice when he's there and when he's not there. He just blends into the background. But plot-wise, Kurt, Thomas Kertschmann's character is apparently aware of the existence of real magic and hoping to find Dr. Cole to keep him from getting to "The Source".
*Editorial Moment*
I'm keeping the original intro to this entry of "Project Canceled" mostly because it really did capture my feelings going into this project. Sadly, Blogger does not date when you begin an entry and it auto-updates every time you so much as poke your head in to see if it auto-saved. That being said, I started this entry in 2017. And after watching the pilot as you can clearly read I was in no major rush to finish this series which only boasts 8 episodes. But as herculean of a task as it seemed to trudge my way through this series I finally managed to do it. So here we go once again.
*Editorial Moment Over*
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| Perfect summary of this series. |
So where did "The River" go off course? Let's start with the elephant in the room, and this is a point that I belabored with my wife several times over is that the series's framing device doesn't do it any favors. As I mentioned before "The River" is a "found footage" show within a show, it documents the search for Emmet Cole helmed by his family, his producer, and a crew of people dedicated to helping find Emmet. However, that gimmick wears thin almost immediately when you realize that the video quality is going to suck at times or you miss something you're supposed to see in the footage because of how bad it is. Also, there are meta reasons why this gimmick does not work and that's simply the show's fault by making it clear in the intro that "This is the footage they left behind.". If you're using the words "left behind" this implies that someone else found this footage cut it together and this is what we're watching...which raises the question of how the footage was found in the first place and well...you get the idea. Because of these reasons, I'm taken out of the world "The River" is trying to build because I'm trying to make sense of the gimmick before I make sense of the world because the gimmick is introduced first.
Had the series been a legit series about found footage rather than being found footage that would have worked well in its favor, mostly because there are several scenes where the characters are watching found footage anyway, so make that the show. With that simple tweak, every meta question is answered and doesn't need to be justified (the tapes were found where Emmet was last seen, Boom, done!). So "The River" being a found footage series didn't do this show any favors nor did they manage to do anything with the gimmick to warrant its presence. I have a feeling because Oren Peli is known for the "Paranormal Activity" series and how that launched found footage back into the mainstream after "The Blair Witch Project" crazed fizzled out, ABC probably wanted to capitalize on the gimmick and the name (yeah, that worked out perfectly for them).
With all that out of the way let's talk about the series proper and the series proper is very rough, to say the least. What do I mean? Well, the premise of the show does lend itself to having longevity, a rescue mission for a missing person is interesting and set in the Amazon no less, following that person's trail and picking up clues here and there, not only that add magic in the mix and you have yourself a pretty interesting show...which again this show squandered by making it found footage, but I digress. The main problem is that while the show set itself up to be a serial series (where one episode immediately follows on the heels of another) it becomes very episodic (where episodes can be mixed and matched), now granted there is a progression in following Emmet's trail BUT without the characters saying so the audience isn't aware of where the characters are in their search.
The episodic nature of the series comes in the form of a few episodes that have VERY interesting plots that in and of themselves could have been drawn out for much longer and were much more interesting than the actual premise, for instance, episode 5 "Peaches" sees The Magus (the boat in which the series takes place) stranded when along comes another ship and crew to help them out, HOWEVER, it turns out that the other ship's crew The Exodus is cursed. The Exodus is a ghost ship and in order for one person to leave the ship someone else has to take their place, so The Exodus crew tries to get The Magus crew drunk and onboard their ship until sunrise so that they can leave, it's actually a tense episode that by itself could have made a pretty awesome movie. On board The Exodus one of the characters Lena manages to find her father as a captive and having to let him go, due to the fact that he's cursed with the rest of the crew was legitimately well done. That being said, originally "The River" was pitched as a movie and I felt it should have stayed that way.
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| A changed man. |
There's an attempt at myth-building when we discover that Lena has a birthmark on her neck that is identical to a symbol from an ancient tribe of seemingly very old and yet immortal sages who have some part to play in the grand scheme of things...however, Lena as a character never shows herself as being special or having some unusual insight (aside from "knowing" Emmet was alive...but she later admits that her saying Emmet was alive was a selfish ploy to get people to search for her dad, who was Emmet's cameraman) so The Mark doesn't come into play at all and in between when The Mark was introduced (in Episode 2) to when The Mark is brought up again (Episode 6) Lena doesn't do anything to show any sort of being special or marked and they had ample time to build on that part of the mythology. I guess now is a good time as any to talk about the characters.
Let's start with our main character and essentially who we're following for the most part and that is Lincoln Cole, Emmet's son played by a very young Joe Anderson (who'd later go on to play Mason Verger in the 3rd Season of a much more superior horror show "Hannibal" and effectively get better at hiding his English accent). Lincoln is a mixed bag of a character, presented as a medical doctor and a decent man, Emmet serves the series well being the level-head of the group and his angst against his father isn't overbearing. You can tell Lincoln loves his father but has a lot of unresolved issues with him. Having his childhood filmed as part of a show is not easy and Lincoln wants to do his best to stay out of the limelight. His best episode is Episode 4 "A Better Man", where The Magus comes across a man hanging in the jungle from the vines (and I mean hanging as in being hung) only for that man to spring to life, after cutting that man down they discover that said man is a man named Jonas, a member of Emmet's crew who after filming an ancient funeral rite (unknowingly) sealed the soul of the dead in his camera and as punishment for doing so Jonas was effectively sentenced to die without the pleasure of death (so he's been hung for 6 months).
Jonas becomes El Calgado "The Hanged Man", and after cutting him down from the vines The Magus is pummeled with issue issues, birds all from the sky, vines tangle the ship and The Jungle threatens to kill The Magus unless Jonas continues his punishment. The Crew decides that Jonas show go back to his noose but Lincoln thinks there must be a better way. Realizing that he's doomed to everyone for his mistake Jonas rushes to return to his noose with Lincoln attempting to stop him, somewhere in the confusion of the crew trying to stop Lincoln from stopping Jonas, Jonas's cell phone is destroyed thus freeing the soul and Jonas from their torment. The reason why this shows Lincoln is a good person because unlike his dad who let Jonas suffer for his mistake (granted, he did warn Jonas NOT to film the rite) Lincoln sought a better solution, even at the expense of his own mother (who was willing to throw Jonas to the noose as well). That earns Lincoln an A in my book as being a solid character.
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| This dude was like this for 6 months, in the jungle, in the heat surrounded by all sorts of insects and wasn't allowed the pleasure of death...that's an entire movie by itself... |
Aside from that Lincoln doesn't do much and doesn't add much to the series in terms of action, heroism, leadership, or anything. "The River" came out in 2012, 2 years after "L O S T" finished its run and Jack Shephard was also a medical doctor in the jungle but Jack had leadership and presence written all over him, Lincoln has none and therefore despite being a solid character, he blends easily in the background as being bland. Let's talk about Lena since I mentioned her the most. Lena is the daughter of Emmet's cameraman and therefore much like Lincoln grew up on camera and knowing the film business, however, unlike Lincoln, she doesn't have any angst regarding her family or upbringing and prior to joining the expedition to find Emmet, she was folding clothes in a clothing store. Despite this, the show makes it clear that Emmet kept in contact with her other than Lincoln (again maybe due to her Marking but this is only mentioned and not explicitly stated). Lena doesn't add anything and like I said before doesn't show any sign of anything other than being just another character.
The next character we need to talk about is Tess, Lincoln's mom, and Emmet's wife who is effectively the Captain of The Magus (as she hired the crew). Tess is driven and just as obsessed as Emmet was, and while Emmet was obsessed with finding magic, Tess was obsessed with finding Emmet. Tess is kind of a mixed bag, she relies on threats and that stern mom voice to keep the crew in line but she doesn't warrant any of the respect outright, as in she doesn't come off as exactly noble or willing to do the right thing like Lincoln. Tess is just as cutthroat as Emmet was when it comes to leaving people behind who may prove to be a determent to her finding her husband. This creates a nice contrast in personality between Lincoln and Tess since Lincoln, being a doctor must "first do no harm" while Tess has no such moral reservations and instead is solely driven to find her husband. You can tell she loves Emmet but without any flashbacks or proper moments between the two, it's hard to see exactly why. The series makes it a point to explain that Emmet and Tess were separated (long enough for Tess to have an affair with Clark the producer, and that's a whole other can of worms that added nothing), so Tess's obsession to get her husband back...well...it rang just a bit hollow, but Tess really just wanted her family back and that I can understand, but I really wish I could have seen more moments of them together.
Let's talk about Clark the producer of the show played wonderfully by Paul Blackthrone. Clark is a producer in every sense of the word, his main goal is making a TV show, saving Emmet be damned, granted he's along for the ride and does want Emmet back but he's there for the content, the content, and nothing but the content. That being said Clark does have a decent moment in episode 3 "Los Ciegos" where the crew is struck blind, Clark is stabbed and The Magus is boarded by Los Ciegos who are there to kill the crew. Clark avoids trying to be saved by Lincoln and instead offers himself as a sacrifice to the Los Ciegos effectively blaming himself for their current circumstances, however, Los Ceigos accept this apology and leave. This shows that despite being exactly what he is (a producer) he does have something of a moral center. That being said his affair with Tess adds nothing and does nothing for the overall story. I like Clark, as much of an asshole that he could have been he really wasn't and more or less served as the audience's surrogate in terms of moving things forward and asking the right questions. Because he's the producer all the interesting bits are at his command making sure that the cameraman (AJ ) is getting this.
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| Always a pleasure seeing this actor. |
Jahel is the next character we need to talk about and this is where we have some issues. While Lena is "Marked" Jahel is actually special. Jahel is the daughter of ship mechanic Emilio and she is a medium. Not only can she commune with the dead but she can talk to spirits as well and is effectively the oracle of the crew. In the words of Clark "whenever she gets scared, bad things happen." and that's basically her character in a nutshell. Because she can't speak English there is a solid language barrier that Lincoln and Tess bridge. While I was watching the show I was guessing that Jahel's lack of English was a ruse and that she's actually fluent but this was not true and she is only limited to Spanish. Jahel is basically an exposition machine, whenever there is something supernatural happening Jahel comes in and explains what she can. This wears thin as she doesn't do much else than this. Looking through my notes there isn't anything here that Jahel does of major significance until the finale...which we'll get there.
We can now talk about Kurt played by Thomas Kertschmann. Kurt is the head of security on The Magus but by the end of episode one, we learn that Kurt has an alternate motive. Kurt is German and therefore toggles between German and English and no one on board The Magus can speak English. Kirt has a satellite phone and he uses it to speak to his employers and knows more about the supernatural than he lets on. That being said everything with Kurt doesn't amount to anything either and by the time we do get to know more about Kurt it amounts to more questions than answers. That being said Kurt does everything to come off as a badass, defending the crew against The Exodus and killing an infected hoard at a medical research facility. The only person who suspects Kurt is up to something is the cameraman AJ, and their relationship doesn't amount to much of anything either, which could have been funny as AJ is a smarmy English cameraman and Kurt is a stoic German man, opposites and all that.
Finally let's talk about the source of the series, Emmet Cole. Emmet Cole's character trait is obsession. He's obsessed with finding magic, eventually to the point of learning real magic (there is a scene where he manages to manifest fire through chanting and meditating and it appears in the palm of his hands, which would be enough for me). The issue here is that Emmet seems to want to share his discoveries with the world but at the same time demands nature must be respected...but being a showman he'd know exactly what would happen if the world became aware of actual factual magic...The Amazon would be razed for all that it had. So Emmet's wanting to discover magic comes from Emmet wanting to discover magic. That being said Emmet does come off as a worldly man and knowledgeable about what's going on around him. When they do finally manage to find Emmet he is less than forthcoming with answers, this isn't because the series doesn't wanna answer any questions this is because very clearly Emmet is spooked and regretting his choices in life. The Emmet they find is a different man from the Emmet they followed and it's obvious.
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| Dude is able to make fire appear in the palm of his hand and he still wants more... |
Having Emmet finally be in the crew by the last 2 episodes should have changed the dynamic but didn't, instead of Jahel illuminating the crew to the supernatural it's Emmet, and because he's so spooked he's overly cautious and refuses to share what he knows except for offering stern warnings against it, even going so far as to deny Lena's marking. That being said Emmet's character is trait is obsession and he's obsessed with magic until the poor bastard actually finds it. I'd liken him to Victor Frankenstein, someone who has regret in hindsight and must make amends to the people he hurt, HOWEVER, the people he hurt (Jonas and his other cameraman, who is a girl named Rosette) end up dead before they can have a proper scene together to resolve that conflict.
To finally wrap up, I can see why the series was canceled. Despite having a decent premise the framing device hindered this show to no end and it's no more obvious than in the later episodes where flashbacks are used and once again the flashbacks have to be in the format of found footage, which makes it contrived because when we get to Lena's flashback it's CCTV footage from a security camera...which is just...no...just no. While there are cool ideas going into the show and some episodes are really good, overall in the full breadth of the narrative it could have been handled much better. The show wanted to build larger mythology surrounding The Boiuna (The Spirit of The Jungle) and with the finale revealing the river itself is transforming like a living maze so the characters will more than likely never be able to leave, it's anybody's guess where the series was going to go from there but I imagine it wouldn't have been any different from what we've seen previously which is them sailing around and getting into various supernatural adventures, which makes for pretty lame television, especially if the entire series was going to be found footage.
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| Seriously though... |
Had the series NOT been found footage I have a feeling it would have lasted longer and made much more of an impression, after all the jungle is beautiful and the setting is somewhat unique, they're on a boat for most of the show. Ultimately, I can appreciate "The River" trying to be ambitious and unique by wanting to be found footage but the gimmick of found footage wears thin quickly. Is "The River" as bad as I thought it was going to be? Not exactly, but I have no desire to want to watch it again and that's probably the worst thing a show can do is be boring and ultimately forgettable. I have a feeling that had I not written this blog about it I'd forget "The River" save for a few episodes in a few years and I probably won't even remember the series but rather the ideas going into the episode. Hell, even writing this article I got the characters of Tess and Lena mixed up, which shows how much I cared about them. Anyways, that'll do it for me. I'll catch you guys later from the next "Project Canceled" when I check out Taye Diggs' series "Daybreak".
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