"Mortal Kombat" Review

Very few things I can speak authoritatively on, among them is "Mortal Kombat". I'm a 90s kid and as such, I was born into "Mortal Kombat", molded by it (to quote Bane). I've always been a huge fan of "Mortal Kombat", I've consumed a lot of the media, from the cartoon, to "Mortal Kombat: Conquest", all of the games (with the exception of The Subzero Mythologies and Special Forces) so needless to say I know my Mortal Kombat lore, from retcons to original lore, I know my lore. Back when the "Mortal Kombat" movie came out, I remember renting it quite a bit back in the day, and then shortly after my uncle took my brother and me to see "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" (also where I first heard the word "merger") and I remember enjoying both. As an adult, while the 1st "Mortal Kombat" movie is still a decent watch, "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" has not withstood the test of time, proving itself to be laughably bad and considered one of the worst movies ever made. To be completely honest, I still enjoy "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" as a movie so bad it's good.

After "Annihilation", "Mortal Kombat" was all but dead in any other format aside from video games. Then "Mortal Kombat: Rebirth" came out, a short film that took a far more realistic approach to the Mortal Kombat mythos, I didn't care for this, because some Rasta lookin' former plastic surgeon named Allen Zane decides to insert blades into his forearms is suddenly codenamed "Baraka"...yeah, no, thanks. "Rebirth" was dumb and while casting Michael Jai White as Jax and Ian Anthony Dale as Scorpion was inspired the concept was not. Then "Mortal Kombat: Legacy" came out a several-part mini-series that for the most part did justice to some of the "Mortal Kombat" lore (except Raiden being in a mental institution, Liu Kang fighting FOR Shang Tsung, and that bitch ass looking Shoa Kahn, the f*ck was that all about...) again this series was a NO, for me, despite giving us an incredibly hot Mileena. So after 2 aborted attempts at reviving "Mortal Kombat", we finally come some years later, and NOW a NEW "Mortal Kombat" movie is out and about.

I'm gonna be honest, I was never excited for this movie...not really. I looked at the cast and saw who they had for Mileena and simply from that alone, I knew the movie wasn't going to be good. As more details came out, I got less and less excited about the film. After having watched it, I can honestly say...I like "Annihilation" better than this movie. I know a lot of people will jump on me about that, but I'm being completely honest, I had a better time watching "Annihilation" because I completely forgot that this "Mortal Kombat" movie was a "Mortal Kombat" movie. This movie reeks of studio mandates, weird choices in story-telling, and just an overall disregard of what makes "Mortal Kombat" work as a series and story. If you wanna watch a GOOD "Mortal Kombat" movie, I suggest you watch "Mortal Kombat 9's" story mode, for my money that is basically the best "Mortal Kombat" movie you'll ever get. With that outta the way, let's dive into the break where you can get spoilers and I can really give this film the Fatality it deserves.

So let's start off with the story, "Mortal Kombat" which tells the story of Cole Young, an amateur MMA fighter that is hunted by Sub-Zero for some reason. Cole is abducted by Jax who reveals that Cole's Dragon tattoo means he was chosen to represent Earth in Mortal Kombat. ISSUES ALREADY! I'm a lore-whore so when something doesn't fit The Mortal Kombat Lore, I have to call it out. For starters, the fighters who represent Earth aren't exactly chosen, many are trained (Liu Kang), others have an innate ability (Stryker) but the idea that the fighters are somehow marked for their ability is NOT MK Lore! Furthermore that Dragon symbol has been established as an Earthly representation of The Elder Gods. But I'm getting ahead of myself; let's start with the opening, Sub-Zero finds and kills Scorpion and his family, this is not what happened! It's been established since "Mortal Kombat 4" (which came out in 1997) that although Sub-Zero killed Scorpion, he didn't kill his family, that was Quan Chi. And that isn't a retcon considering that the Sub-Zero that Scorpion threatened to kill claimed responsibility for his death (thus making this one Bi-Han and not Kiua Liang), despite the fact that Noob Saibot was a character by the release of "Mortal Kombat 4" means that Noob Saibot actually being the original Sub-Zero is more or a retcon than Quan Chi being the killer of Scorpion's family, just sayin').

So that was wrong, but apparently, and I had to sigh when I saw this, Hanzo Hasashi's death is linked to a prophecy...oh my goodness (say that in a Negan voice) do we have problems here! Considering a good portion of "Annihilation's" problems stem from people constantly using "legend" and "prophecy" interchangeably it might be nice to establish where and how these prophecies are made. Why is some random ass assassin's murder a link to bigger events? And if your goal is to murder that assassin aren't you essentially causing the events you were trying to prevent from happening? Is this thing on? Moving on from that bit of nonsense, let's talk about another major misstep in this film.

Cole Young! I seriously hope the actor isn't catching any heat for this role because he did a fine job with the material he was given. THAT BEING SAID...WHO IS THIS GUY?! I'll tell you who he is; he's a studio-mandated character created to be the audience's surrogate, to ask all the questions that the audience (non-Mortal Kombat fans) should ask, basically a blank slate. It's not the fact that he's not a character from the games that cause problems (after all Art Lean isn't even a bonus character in any of the games and yet fans are cool with him), it's because Cole took the main character spot from an already pivotal audience surrogate character, JOHNNY CAGE! Johnny Cage in the Mortal Kombat universe IS THE AUDIENCE'S SURROGATE CHARACTER! The reason being is that Johnny comes into the universe completely clueless, only having his (impressive) skills and cocky attitude only to be drawn into a world much bigger than him. Think about it, he's the only character who arrives at the tournament without a mission.

Seriously though, who the f*ck is this?

Sonya arrives because she's tracking Kano, Liu Kang, and Kung Loa have been training their entire lives to compete in Mortal Kombat and understand the relevance of the tournament and what's at stake if they lose, Johnny Cage arrives at the tournament for the sole purpose of kicking ass and proving himself to be a legitimate martial artist. He starts off as an arrogant kung-fu guy and finishes the movie with an understanding that there are more things to fight for than personal glory, THERE'S YOUR MOVIE! Cole taking a position that should have been clearly Johnny's doesn't sit right with me at all. Furthermore, when Raiden saved Scorpion's baby I knew immediately that Cole was a relative of Hasashi's, that couldn't have been more obvious. Also, Cole kills Goro! That was Johnny's whole shtick in the movie! Also, can we talk about this arcana garbage? Sweet crap shack, where do we start? Liu Kang and Kung Loa trained with Outworld martial artist Bo Rai' Cho, Raiden, and Shaolin Monks, knowing full well that Outworld warriors have abilities, it only makes sense that they'd have to learn a few themselves in order to compete.

Now the Mortal Kombat world is full of magic, but it makes it very clear that Earth is a place whose magic is VERY limited and only those who have trained in those arts are capable of using their chi as a projectile weapon. Sonya's has used gauntlets that fire energy rings, Jax has cybernetic arms that increase his strength, Johnny Cage has his skills, Stryker had a gun and a baton, Kano had a cybernetic eye implant, all of the human characters who are not life-trained martial artists all had abilities that were not linked to the supernatural, Liu Kang, Kung Lao, and Nightwolf all had abilities linked to the supernatural AFTER YEARS of training. They didn't just punch each other until they triggered some random ass thing that gives them powers! That was the dumbest thing in the entire movie. The Arcana somehow decides that Kano should get laser beams in his eye, not eyes, JUST ONE EYE! And this somehow made more sense to the screenwriter than, oh...I don't know...having Kano and Sonya have some kinda showdown, Kano get horribly maimed by Sonya but manages to escape, swearing revenge, having connections all over the world and the leader of a global crime syndicate, Kano gets a doctor to fix his face BUT being an arms dealer, Kano decides to give himself an implant that allows him to shoot laser beams out of the eye Sonya damaged, thus turning a weakness into his greatest weapon NOPE, just have Kung Loa insult him until he shoots a laser beam out his eye because f*ck Mortal Kombat lore, who cares, right? It's just a fighting game.

Also, The Arcana just hands out random-ass powers, what if you weren't aware of what powers the arcana gave to you? What if you ended up with the ability to spit acid or exhale a toxic gas or decay anything you touch (a la' Tormua Shiguraki)? This is why it'd make more sense if these characters ACTUALLY TRAINED FOR THESE ABILITIES RATHER THAN SOME RANDOM ASS THING GIVE IT TO THEM! And this isn't like The X-Men or "My Hero Academia" where it's genetic and therefore impossible to trace or know when it'll manifest, these are abilities that you work towards and the arcana decides what you'll get. Right...okay, dumb. And just so we're clear on how dumb it is, Jax's cybernetic arms start off as dinky little metal arms until the arcana kicks in and suddenly upgrades them...(the arcana can upgrade technology)...yeah. Moving on from that nonsense, let's talk about the characters in this movie...or lack of them: Mileena was in this movie, didn't see her, Reiko was in this movie, I didn't see him either (he's just gonna get shat on regardless of what adaptation he's in, huh?)

Seriously, who the f*ck is this?

Anyway, I had much more fun watching "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" despite its cheesiness I genuinely felt like I was watching actual "Mortal Kombat" characters, and sure Mileena was jobbed out there too and we didn't get to see her teeth either, but that felt more like Mileena than whoever this was. While I appreciate the grit and reality, the changes to the story and the character deaths made this almost a completely different property made by people who simply wanted to fanboy over having Scorpion and Sub Zero fight and to see actual in-game fatalities, but as far as respect for the canon and the actual story of "Mortal Kombat", nope. I'll wait until "Mortal Kombat" is actually done justice, until then the 90s movie will suffice.