Pretty Little Liars S05E18 "Oh, What Hard Luck Stories They All Hand Me" Review

So Det. Holbrook is back and of course The Liars are suspicious, but their attention is turned towards a new comer (...and with all the new comers this show has gotten at least one or all of them have to have some connection to Allison...damnit) Leslie, a "friend of Mona's" coming to aide Mona's mother with the Trial Of Alison DiLaurentis a.k.a Emily's Former Lord & Savior, Messiah Of B*tches, Saint Of The Shameless etc. etc. Anyways, last week we established that Lesbians are able to find each other, Mona may have possibly been given The Heisenberg Special, Hanna is a gangsta...and after being nearly frozen to death and physically and mentally harassed by an unseen villain, Ezra somehow gets it in his mind that Aria is missing out on school because of him...I'll allow that to sink in. Now that we're all up to speed, let's dive...

So apparently Holbrook has been "caught" with his hand in the cookie jar, or rather has been accused of tampering with the evidence in regards to Alison's lie detector test...once again I'm under the impression that Holbrook is being set up...then again, at this point it really doesn't matter because one of two things is gonna happen: Holbrook is in fact who The Liars think he is, which is an agent of "A" OR Holbrook is not and just another dumb Rosewood cop who has no clue what he's doing. My guess is, given the caliber of police officers in Rosewood, Holbrook is more than likely a complete moron. But still what's up with him making out with Alison? Too much eggnog, and he's a Rosewood police officer (apparently they all have raging hard-ons, Det. Wilden and Hanna's Mom, Det. Holbrook making out with Hanna and then Alison...you get the idea). I'm sorry, I'm just really annoyed by their suspicion of Holbrook, the guy is a total loser. Yes, I know I praised him in the finale of last year, but doing ONE thing right doesn't erase the fact that he's a Rosewood police officer. His prolonged absence will probably be explained as him ACTUALLY digging into Alison's web of bullsh*t and coming up with some solid conclusions and then "A" will strike him dead before he can yield any real fruit from his investigation...remind you of anyone *cough* GARRETT! (Who said that?)

So this Leslie chick, am I the only who thinks that Mona and Leslie had a thing going on? Don't give me that look, Alison is a bisexual and so is Jenna...so the likelihood of Mona being one as well...considerably high. Also, if this "A" person was SO bad ass, why haven't they gotten to this Leslie chick? Am I paranoid for being the slightest bit suspicious of her? No, I really don't think I am, because EVERY SINGLE NEW F*CKIN' CHARACTER THEY BRING ON THIS SHOW HAS SOME KINDA F*CKED UP CONNECTION TO ALISON OR IS A SPY WORKING FOR SOME OTHER CHARACTER! I could list them off, Shana was a spy for...er...who the f*ck was she again aside from a Bullsh*t "A" that made no damn sense? Moving on...then Sydney shows up and she's working with Jenna and spying for her...and now all of a sudden Leslie shows up and she's all "Hi, I'm Mona's bestie and she totally wanted me to talk to you!"...right...Also Leslie's revered speech about Mona...makes me more than a little suspicious...and the end result of this is that Mike might have killed Mona...f*ckin'....SERIOUSLY!?

Hi, I'm a new character so don't trust me.

Anyways, with Meth Lab Guy (yes, the guy living in Spencer's barn...I'm officially calling him Meth Lab Guy and no, I don't give a damn what his name is) I'm just wondering how long before he starts showing signs of a being some shady douche bag working for someone else? Sorry, I'm just getting EXTREMELY tired of new characters. Especially new characters who I'm concerned might be an eventual love interest for someone...namely Spencer. Yes, I'm concerned that Spencer and Toby might break up, I'm fine with that in theory (as long as Caleb and Hanna are still Bonnie & Clyde-ing it, all is good) but if Spencer & Toby do break up...that'd make very little sense considering all they've been through together. Granted, I'm running on pure speculation...but stranger things have happened...need I remind you of "That 70's Show" when Donna & Eric broke up...and Donna started dating Ronny...of all people...Yeah...I don't wanna remember it either.

Meanwhile, Hanna finds a tape of Bethany...*sigh* talking about someone on a tape stashed inside Mona's collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories (ah, subscribing to The Joe Carroll method of secrets, I see). The chances that this is Alison is fairly high but at this point...*sigh* At least Caleb & Hanna have the good sense to rewind the tape to the beginning and listen to it all the way through...and hopefully they made copies. While, Hanna & Caleb are doing REAL plot advancing sh*t, Aria is failing at being stealthy when Mike corners her at some lake somewhere. Scenes like this just frustrate me even more, why can't people just tell them what's going on. Logically, Aria has every right to be a little paranoid considering she was ALMOST THROWN OFF A MOVING TRAIN IN A COFFIN WITH A DEAD GUY INSIDE OF IT AND FROZEN TO DEATH!

CALEB: Hanna, what are we doing?

HANNA: Some more gangsta shit.

You'd think these characters would learn that secrets lead yo well...people dying...but NO, Mike has to have his big moment and remind the audience that he exists (now that Mona's dead)...and the whole thing smells of red-herring...but then again EVERY SINGLE F*CKIN' THING in this show is a red-herring. This show is the "Inception" of red-herrings! Red-herrings for red-herrings that were just red-herrings for other red-herrings that'll just lead to more red-herrings! Again, at this point what EXACTLY do we know besides Mona was "A"? Alison was alive the whole time? No, sh*t, everyone knew that. Shana was "A"...right and I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. We know absolutely DICK! After 5 seasons, we know jack diddly squat! Everyone who is a suspect has been vetted and proven not to be a suspect...so unless it's one of The Liars (which would be genius in it's stupidity) I'm tapped on doing the whole Who's "A"? Thing.

In conclusion, I apologize for the angry review, part of it has to do with me coming down with a cold and another part of it has to do with my living situation (less said about that, the better) but most of it has to do with this show and it's constant use of red-herrings to the point where every time The Liars point their finger at someone, it's The Boy Who Cried Wolf...or rather The Girls Who Cried Alison. All someone has to do is open their mouths and everything will be solved...but do they? No, they just sit around and brood and keep secrets and wonder why their lives are falling apart around them. So Mike is visiting Alison, do I care why? NOPE?! Am I gonna watch next week's episode...sure...will I like it? Probably not...until then, catch you guys later...

My thoughts exactly...