Pretty Little Liars S05E21 "Bloody Hell" Review

Howdy ya'll! Unfortunately, I missed the deadline for 2 of my "Gotham" reviews and I'm kicking myself in the butt for having done so, but things have cleared up and I should be back regularly doing the "Pretty Little Liar" reviews! So here we are, with my favorite English expression, "Bloody Hell."

Last week we figured out what was going on with Mike and now the girls are fully aware that Alison isn't "A" and we're lead to believe that "A" is someone named Varjak (an ode to Paul Varjak from "Breakfast At Tiffany's" starring the incredibly cute Audrey Hepburn). The girls make nice with Alison, all with the exception of Hanna (for obvious reasons, being in a prison with so many of her homies locked down can be depressing). Hanna shows up later but we'll get to that. What I wanna get to is Aria who has somehow gotten smarter (oddly enough) and is now running around acting like a mini-Spencer...or rather what Spencer used to be. With Mike now being entangled with Mona's get dead or die trying scheme, Aria's stepping up to the plate of big sister and is actually covering Mike's ass.

Not only is she covering Mike's ass but she's managed to do some pretty legit sleuth work and doing reconnaissance work in finding Cyrus Petrillo a.k.a Hank Mahoney and getting information on "A" (possibly)WHO IS THIS WOMAN?! The only thing is, with "A" being in a hospital bed right across from them, it's curious why he allowed the girls to get that far before pulling Cyrus' plug. Also the fact that "A's" always concealed his appearance, I know that's for the sake of audience not knowing who it is but in the past they'd always cheat the camera, this time "A" is full on wearing a mask, which leads me to two conclusions: #1: "A" is someone we and the girls would openly recognize. #2: "A" is in panic mode. You never kill people unless you ABSOLUTELY have to (something years of watching "The Sopranos" taught me) and apparently "A" HAS TO, which means The Liars are getting close. Aria said " Once Mike becomes Alison's get outta jail free card he becomes "A's" #1 target!" and it looks like "A" already had Mike and his "To Do" List in the last episode.

ARIA: Hanna, my head thing's doing brain stuff!

HANNA: You mean "thinking"?

Meanwhile, Alison is in prison working in the laundry room, maybe she can find the female prison's version of "C-Note" and get in on Michael Scofield's plan. ("Prison Break" for you guys outside the know.) Jokes aside, for some strange reason she writes "Mona" on the dust covered table and "A" replies "told everything." How "A" managed to get into the prison's laundry room and why that dust message was still there is anyone's guess but who and what Mona told is a mystery. We saw on the footage that Mona was attacked by a blonde...unless this is Hanna (who's hair doesn't look like that) or an Alison clone, I haven't the foggiest idea who attacked Mona, if it was "A" then what exactly is "A's" end game by seeing The Liars and Alison in jail. Who has the most to gain by seeing them gone? On paper, pretty much no one. Later on, Alison was slipped a can of an Alison doll and a note, that can will be useful for turning into a shiv later...just sayin'. How "A" is doing this is beyond me.

In other news our dear Emily is doing the pageant for Hanna, yes, Emily can dance, where's my dancing Hanna montage damnit!? At least when Hanna danced she had some real passion and fire behind it! Emily's just so rehearsed. While Emily is dancing her currently married gal pal stops by and they have a slow dance together after Talia realizes she doesn't have anecdote about food she can relate to dancing, I kid. Talia breaks down because her marriage to..."that thing resembling a man" is dissolving. Is it just mean or does this seem...a bit...rushed? I mean IMMEDIATELY after Paige left all of a sudden a new lesbian's in town and happens to be interested in Emily...and the writers couldn't have made this more obvious. I understand the early tension between the two of them was Emily's misplaced affections, but damn, can we have some breathing room in between relationships? Please!?

Emily, my husband just found his balls.

Anyways, we find out that Emily might not be in the pageant because her association with The Blonde O.J. Simpson a.k.a Alison DeLaurentis. I find it funny that Emily immediately jumped at her being gay as the reason she's disqualified from the pageant. For starters, didn't "A" frame Emily by putting growth hormones in her lotion, and didn't that cause her to be disqualified from the swim team (that's on her record and someone correct me but I don't think that problem was ever resolved, I don't think those charges were ever proven to be false), that could be a very legit reason as most pageants tend to frown of athletes who get accused of doping. I mean, "A's" been making Emily's life a living hell, you'd imagine one of those things would come back to bite her in the ass eventually.

Also, I doubt a beauty pageant would ask Emily if she's a lesbian, if they have to ask then you know what the answer should be, just sayin'. Furthermore, how would Claire know Emily's dating a (currently married, but recently separated) woman? Not for nothing but dating a married woman (and despite her being unhappy in her marriage and married to what amounts to a spineless jellyfish like creature) no matter how "Okay." the husband is with it is still morally questionable at least and downright amoral at the most, So the pageant as quite a few reasons to give Emily the ol' boot. But I'm 100% certain the fact that they're attempting to extort the pageant won't come back to bite them in the ass at all...

I'd say out of everyone, Spencer gets it the worst as "A" goes international and manages to stuff blood in Spencer's bag and have the vial crack at the worst possible time. (Side note: I've heard that Euripides joke before and legit laughed). Seeing as how Spencer already did a stint at Radley and was damn near convicted of murder and is an on record drug abuser (and now a vandal), it's amazing Spencer is still college bound and Oxford nonetheless. Can I just pause for a moment and say how much in awe I am that these girls are still managing to go to college, after all the school they skipped, and after all the times their lives were threatened again and again and again. These b*tches are still turning in homework and writing research papers while facing serious jail time and committing B&E's like it was jaywalking. Just wanted to get that out.

My goodness the green screen is horrible here!

Spencer is the one with actual blood in her purse and while she maybe across the pond, that doesn't put her outside of "A's" crosshairs. What's more perplexing is Mrs. Hastings urging Spencer not to return in light of new news she discovered in Alison's file, not sure what that news is (possibly the fact that Spencer whacked Bethany over the head with a shovel and Melissa buried her alive) and speaking of buried alive, who killed Alison's mother? Did we just collectively forget that happened? No one seems to be interested in that. This show is having trouble keeping track of it's murder record. I digress. What's gonna happen now? Now with Mrs. Hastings aiding Alison is "Telling her side of the story" and Hanna asking Alison to tell the truth. Can she really be trusted to tell the truth? I guess we'll find out.

I ain't even sorry.

All in all, a pretty solid episode. Aria did smart things for once, I got to hear English people talk and that's always a plus and the girls are getting close to "A". This episode is a stepping stone, something big is gonna go down soon and I'm just waiting for the sparks to fly. Until then...you guys know where to find me.