Let's Talk "Riverdale" Season 3

No, you're not seeing things. Yes, we are talking about The CW's "Riverdale" once again and this time, this time it won't be pretty. Not that last time was pretty...just...well...okay. Anyways, I started watching "Riverdale" with my wife just to see what in the blue hell the fuss was about, after all, Hot Topic boasted a large "Riverdale" poster outside their store so there had to have been something there worth investigating. Long story short, my wife and I really dig the series...as nothing more than riff material. "Riverdale" managed to find that sweet spot of "So Bad It's Good" in the same vein as "Pretty Little Liars" where the show takes it's self just seriously enough for it to not be unwatchable. That being said, this season...oh boy where do I begin? Let me back up for a bit and say that I'm writing this opening BEFORE the midseason finale (where hopefully we'll get some answers or at least some semblance of coherency) because I wanted to capture my thoughts at the moment so everything after the break will be after I watched the midseason finale.

The plot of "Riverdale" Season One was VERY simple: Who killed Jason Blossom? And by the end of the season, that question was not only answered but answered logically and without any lingering doubts. Despite being hilariously written angsty teenage schlock, Season One wasn't bad. Then came a little thing called The Black Hood...and Season Two. Season Two was a bit of a mess but manageable. Season Two decided to make Betty the center of everything by involving her in not 1 but 2 plots, the aforementioned Black Hood storyline (which began with Archie so he really should've been the one to finish that) and The "Chick" storyline that might as well have been called The "We really didn't have a point for this except that Chick was a character from the comic book so we added him anyway". Not to mention there was the gang war started by Hiram Lodge between The Ghoulies and The Serpents and his eventual takeover of the Southside...oh yeah and something about Penelope Blossom and her husbands' twin brother whose name I can't be bothered to look up threatening to kill Cheryl's grandmother. Yeah...a whole lotta stuff happened. Despite that, once again the MAIN plot thread (The Black Hood) was tied up in an uneven, stupidly tied bow but a bow nonetheless.

Then Season Three happened...and after having watched 7 episodes of this I can honestly say I have no clue just what the f*ck is going on. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of what's happening but how it all meshes together is completely beyond me. Let's start with what (very little) I do know:  there's a game called Griffins & Gargoyles the setting of the game is the kingdom of Eldirvar (an obvious anagram for Riverdale). G&G, as it's called in the series, is an analog for Riverdale, the town its self and the various factions within it, namely The Serpents, The Ghoulies etc. This game was discovered by the parents of the main characters during one happenstance detention sentence and they all played it heavily...eventually LARPing with it. One night during an Ascension Party someone brought a chalice of poison with the intentions of someone drinking it, Alice spotted The Gargoyle King in the hallway during a drug mania induced by fizzle rocks...(that's a sentence I actually typed). Long story short, Alice finds the chalices but doesn't drink and sometime later the Principal is found dead in the broom closet having drunk from the chalice himself...and somehow the parents are culpable.

Before I go on allow me to explain how they could have gotten out of this and are NOT culpable AT ALL. For starters YES, they are culpable for breaking into the school and that is indeed illegal, but once the authorities see that they didn't vandalize the property or anything I'd imagine the most they'd get is community service. On that note, the reason they're not at fault is because THE PRINCIPAL DRUNK FROM THE CHALICE HIMSELF!! Who looks at two suspicious cups of God knows what and says "Down the hatch!"? No one forced him to drink it. Furthermore, no one can even attest to those cups being placed anywhere with the intention of anyone drinking it. Basically, what I'm saying is if I left a bottle of sulphuric acid and dyed it blue and left it in the bathroom and someone drank it, I'm not a murderer, I'm not even a man-slaughterer, I'm incredibly careless but at least I'm not careless enough to drink something I have no clue what the contents are.

That aside now G&G is making a full comeback having claimed the lives of Dilton Doiley and...er...friend. The Parents are all up in arms that the "evil" game has returned and The Gargoyle King is back as well having claimed Ethel as his disciple. Not only that but now G&G seems to have spread even further with Archie's prison warden calling Archie "The Red Paladin" and claiming allegiance to a force more powerful than Hiram Lodge. Now Betty is trapped in an asylum where everyone is drawing pictures of The Gargoyle King and getting good and doped up on fizzle rocks. Not only that but Ethel is apparently BFFs with this special effects class project and this alliance gives her the ability to basically call the shots within The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy. Last but not least there's The Farm, a cult that Alice & Polly joined that's NOT run by Joe Carroll (or Billy Grimm for that matter...a pox on you CW...seriously, a pox on you) but is instead controlled by some non-entity we have yet to meet named Edgar Neverever...or Evernever...or nevermind.

Not even Billy Grimm knows what's going on in this damn show.

The Farm has been mentioned numerous times over the span of a few seasons and I was under the impression that it'd take center stage as the main plot of this season (given how it featured the twins being placed over a fire pit and not The Gargoyle King). However, considering we have yet to meet Edgar Evergonnashowup I have a sneaking suspicion that he's The Gargoyle King, how or why that'd make sense is anyone's guess (including the writers) but that's my theory so far. Theories are basically all we have considering this season views like it's been written by several people NOT communicating. I have the feeling production meetings for this show are not unlike pornos where stuff starts to happen and before things get outta hand someone protests only to be silenced by quiet whispers of "Shhh, let it happen.", except unlike porn, this ends with a headache and questions. All that said, let's dive in;

Let's Talk About "Black Mirror's" "Bandersnatch"

So 5 Years ago I released a little Youtube video on my channel talking about the next phase of cinematic innovation and that was Choose Your Own Adventure Movies, here's the video;

This was before Netflix, before "Until Dawn" and "Detroit: Becoming Human" and before "The Stanley Parable". Fast-Forward to now and my prediction has come to fruition in Charlie Brooker's innovative series "Black Mirror" with a surprise feature film called "Bandersnatch" that is a choose your own adventure movie. This isn't going to be a review but if your curious and wanna know what I think of the movie, IT'S FREAKIN' AMAZING! It's very innovative and for a movie to have such a gimmick you'd think the gimmick would overshadow the story. It doesn't. To say anything more would be a spoiler but you just have to experience it for yourself. Anyways, I'm about to dive into some spoilers so if you don't care dive in further if you do GO WATCH "BANDERSNATCH" and then come back, the choice is yours.

This Week In WTF?!: Kevin Spacey

INTRO EDIT: I had no clue Kevin Spacey was currently under investigation for other allegations aside from Anthony Rapp...geez what's wrong with this man?

I don't want to write this, I don't want to write this because I could be possibly entertaining an alleged child predator and I wanna keep that kind of drama off this blog. For those of you who don't know, Kevin Spacey was outed as sexual harassing Anthony Rapp who was then a minor (14 years old) many years ago. The allegation surfaced and Kevin Spacey outed himself and gay, stated he had no memory of the incident but apologized anyway and then was booted from "House Of Cards" resulting in Robin Wright's non-interesting character Claire taking the helm as lead actress on the show and basically transforming a pretty awesome political drama into an incoherent mess. Well, its not even the New Year and we're closing this year with some WHAT THE F*CKERY from Mr. Spacey himself via a cryptic, slightly insane Youtube video (that no doubt caused both his lawyers and agent to have a brain aneurysm) titled "Let Me Be Frank" (a nod to his character on "House Of Cards") that features Mr. Spacey in the guise of his Frank Underwood character possibly discussing the allegations against him (Kevin Spacey) or possibly hinting at another Season Of "House Of Cards"...here's where it gets messy. Strap on your tinfoil hats ya'll, I'm about to offer several theories of what I think is going on here. Let's dive in.

STRANGE LOG: He's The Only One With Rhythm

Yes, yes, another Strange Log (before the end of the year no doubt) and yet here we are, no proper articles (except for a measly review of "House Of Cards" Season 6). Anyways, let's dive in shall we?

Let's Talk About "House Of Cards" Season 6...

Let's get "House Of Cards" out of the way because this is probably the most pressing bit of business I need to discuss. Man what a sh*tshow this was and I'm not saying that because Robin Wright is a bad actress or anything, I'm saying this because the writing sucked this season. Granted their backs were up against a wall due to Kevin Spacey's indiscretions but that really isn't an excuse for what was presented to us this Season. To summarize my issues and then go in depth a little bit, the season was disjointed, boring and difficult to track with, character motivations were difficult to gauge, things were foreshadowed that had no pay off and there were leaps and bounds in logic that were simply stunning and of course there was the obvious virtue signaling. The show butchered a lot of characters and did exactly what I expected it'd do and I that was Claire gets away with everything. Now let's dive in to this nonsense.

STRANGE LOG: From The Kool-Aid Tree With Love

Yeah, yeah another Strange Log yes, I know these are becoming more frequent than actual articles. Strange Logs are much easier to write than actual articles as I have less to write and think about. So here we go.

Let's talk about "Hereditary"

If you've read my Strange Log then you know I've been waiting to watch this movie for a good while. I've heard nothing but praise for this movie from various viewers I respect (Chris Stuckmann, Jeremy Jahns & ATZShow) and praise from others as well. The hype machine has gone ga-ga over this movie and this had me intrigued. Many were calling it the horror movie of the decade, best horror movie ever, etc. etc. and this just set my curiosity ablaze. I decided this was gonna be a movie I was gonna go in as cold as possible, so cold that I didn't see a trailer for it, didn't read a plot synopsis or anything, I wanted to know as little as possible going into the movie so I could be shocked, surprised and terrified as much as I possibly could. When the day came, I finally picked it up and blu-ray and watched it yesterday (as of the writing of this article 9-10-2018) and now after having seen it, I have much to say. This will require a preamble and SPOILERS. Let's begin.

PREAMBLE: Before I begin with the article proper I need to address a few things, the elitism of the people who liked this movie vs those who did not. Before we go any further let me say firmly that I did NOT like this movie at all. It was well acted, well directed, well shot and well written for what it was. But this movie presented its self as a horror movie a movie in which its intentions are to scare its viewer and I was not scared. I judge scared based on whether or not I'm capable of sleeping calmly at night and while I didn't sleep calmly, that was mostly due to my son getting up every 15 minutes as opposed to any psychological distressed the film attempted to inflict upon me.

The reason I'm stating all of this here in this preamble is because it seems those who liked this movie believe their tastes in horror films are better while others who did not like this movie are merely looking for cheap scares (jump scares, slashers, torture porn and the like)...ya know bottom barrel stuff, and that those who didn't like this movie are merely teenagers who don't know good horror or they just didn't understand the movie. Let me refute those in my case: I hate jump scares because they're not scary they're an activation of your fight or flight mechanism in your brain, that doesn't invoke fear it just means you were startled, surprised, caught off guard. I've ALWAYS hated slasher movies, Freddy Kruger, Jason, Chucky, Michael Myers, they're all bad jokes to me and they're all goofy to me. I can't take any of them seriously, even as a kid those films never scared me. Freddy made WAY too many jokes, Chucky's scream always made me laugh and Jason just looked too damn cool to for me to be afraid of him. Torture porn, I'll admit it, I enjoy the "Saw" films, not because they're scary but I love the traps and eventually the filmmakers caught onto that as well. But films like "Hostel" and all the others similar...no...watching someone get tortured for 2 hours doesn't sound appealing to me at all.

Lastly, I did understand the film completely, I have no misunderstandings about what I just watched, and I'll prove that not only when I discuss the film with spoilers but when I offer a critique on what I think would have improved the film, in my opinion. In conclusion, if you enjoyed this film, that's wonderful! I'm so glad you did. This film has found its audience and you can say that's you. I did not and that doesn't give you the ability to belittle anyone's opinion by assuming things about them. Horror is an EXTREMELY difficult genre to write and I applaud Ari Aster in writing something that many people enjoyed. That being said I did not and if you'd like to know why I'm gonna tell you.  But bear in mind, opinions are subjective and I'm going to explain why this movie didn't work for me. Spoilers abound, enjoy.

STRANGE LOG: Shredder Pops A Molly

Yes, yes, I know another Strange Log and no real articles DESPITE the constant movie news and what nots going on in various media. Forgive me, I'm having a hard time balancing being a father and working and finding time for my blog. But nonetheless here's what's going on in my life and what has my interest as of late. Let's dive in!

And Now "Worlds Of DC"...

I said I was done and I meant it, I really did but when DC/Warners Bros. announces it's very own streaming service and the trailer for it's showcases series "Titans" drops I have to comment. Not only because I'm a huge fan of The Teen Titans (after all Beastboy has graced my banner since the beginnings of this blog and he's the character I most identify with) but because in the conflict between DC & Marvel I have and will always be a DC guy. But that isn't what you'd hear from some of the people out there who believe that every negative criticism lobbied at DC/Warner Bros. is because whoever is doing the criticizing is a paid Marvel shill. I wish that were the case in my situation because then I'd be getting paid for these articles and probably getting some decent promotion of them as well, but such isn't the case. In this blog I'm going to try and explain MY issues with the now christened "Worlds Of DC" and put to bed any notions of simply "hating".

But before we begin, I guess I have to do the standard thing that everyone accused of hating must do and that's establish my credentials. I'm a DC fan, have been for a LONG time, from watching "Super Friends" as a kid, "Batman: The Animated Series" and so on, Darkseid was one of my favorite villains, Firestorm was one of my favorite superheroes and this was from watching "Super Friends" and "The Challenge Of The Super Friends" with The Legion Of Doom and their Darth Vader helmet headquarters, all the way up to reading the comic books and really digging into the meat & mythos of the characters. No one can accuse me of being a Marvel fanboy without acknowledging my love of DC's characters as a whole. My harsh criticism of DC/Warner Bros. has always been in the interest of seeing the characters that I know and love done right and showcased to a public that may not know of them in a light that makes people want to know more.

Thor & Loki were not house hold names but now they are, anecdote here but I used to work with two girls who discussed dressed up for Halloween as Thor & Loki and I guarantee you they probably wouldn't have had such an idea IF NOT for the Chris Hemsworth & Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of those characters. This is what I want for DC/Warner Bros. I want people outside of comic book fans gushing about the coolness of characters that would otherwise only be talked about by a handful of people. Anyways, I've preambled this enough; it's 6:26am, my wife & son are asleep, I'm up WAY too early for work and I've got a tall order ahead of me, let's dive in.

STRANGE LOG: King Dragon Sends His Regards

Man, I'm boring. An article about "Riverdale" and yet ANOTHER Strange Log, geez, it's almost as if I don't have time to write anything. Technically, I don't right now...I should be in bed but it's Summer and I've never been able to sleep in the Summer, in the words of Benvolio "For these hot days is the mad blood stirring." as such I am ornery, tired and frustrated all at once, not a good combo. Anyways here's some random logs and updates about what's coming down the pike and what (very little) I've been up to. Enjoy.

Let's Talk "Riverdale"

Okay, I've got some 'splainin' to do, but I'm okay with that. So it's no shock to you what this article is about but the real question is "Why?". Yes, why is the operative word all around for something like this. So "Riverdale" is a CW series based on (of all things) Archie Comics, and is a teen drama series ala "Pretty Little Liars". When this series was announced, I laughed, I mean of all the things to get a gritty reboot in 2017 Archie found it's way on that list?! Don't get me wrong, Archie isn't new to gritty, after all there is Archie meets The Punisher, and Archie with zombies, Archie and The Predator...you get the gist, but all of those are very tongue in cheek and more of a "Hey, wouldn't it be weird/funny if this was an actually thing?" kinda thing than being a legit thing...like Marvel's "What If..." or DC's Elseworld. But who am I kidding, it's 2017 and EVERYTHING needs to be adapted, rebooted and made for a mature audience and Archie is NO exception!

Now, I'm no fan of Archie comics but I am familiar enough with them, I know of Archie being the world's biggest player (essentially having 2 women wrapped around his finger for nearly 78 damn years), I know of Betty & Veronica, "Jughead" and that's about it. I came to the conclusion to watch this series due to Hot Topic of all places boasting "Riverdale" merchandise and a huge "Riverdale" poster displayed on their window. For starters my initial surprise was that the series was somehow (pact with Satan not entirely out of the question) still on the air and currently into it's Second Season (how?!) and my second reaction was "Am I missing something here?". It's a gritty Archie reboot, it can't be any good (it's not but we'll get there). Oddly enough my wife and I both decided that we were gonna roll the dice and check this series out for ourselves and I am SO glad we did. Once "Pretty Little Liars" concluded, I was worried I wasn't gonna have another series I could watch for craps and giggles. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed "Pretty Little Liars" because it was SO BAD it was GREAT. It was entertaining enough to keep me engaged and dumb enough for me to dismiss, in short, PERFECT!

It looks like "Riverdale" will be filling that spot for me now because this series is a GOLD MINE of riff material, be it Luke Perry looking like Dollar Store Heisenberg to other character just acting and being completely stupid, this series makes my wife and I cackle like hyenas. Anyways, allow me to take you guys on a guided tour of "Riverdale" and embrace the madness...crap, that was "Hannibal's" tag line..."Hannibal" I'm so sorry to include you in this review, please forgive me.

STRANGE LOG: Hit'em With The Razor Glove

Yep, another Strange Log, seems like these are the only articles I can do since I no longer have the time to commit to writing a full length article on a single topic. So here we go another amalgam of topics to get to, let's dive in!

STRANGE LOG: Special CIA Napkin

The time is 5:57am, Monday morning (at the time of starting this) at the moment, I'm writing this article while waiting for my laundry to be done, getting ready to take a shower, cook breakfast and watch me some "Dragonball Super" all before going to work. Time is fleeting and is a precious, precious thing these days. Fatherhood is a constantly changing adjustment, my living arrangement is quickly becoming unsustainable and I'm losing sleep quite frequently. That being said I've got a few things to get to here in YET another Strange Log and I'm hoping to get to those things as quickly as possible...or at least before I go to work. Let's dive in!

"The Path"...And How It Lost It's Way

Let's rewind time a little back to about 2 years ago, Kim and I were sitting in a theater waiting for...not sure what but a trailer for a TV show come on that featured Aaron Paul, Hugh Dancy (fresh off the "Hannibal" train) and a haunting rendition of Fleet Foxes "White Winter Hymnal". The show was obviously about some crazy new religion as it featured a single wood carved eye as it's symbol and showed Aaron Paul is distress and Hugh as the cult's leader. I remember leaning over to Kim and whispering "I'm watching this.". Well, we have and while the 1st Season was good enough to warrant viewing the second, I have to say I'm putting this show behind me...why? Let's dive in and found out.

Anime RE-Claimed: Durarara!

I'm a sucker for down to earth yet weird animes: "Tenchi Muyo" & "Burn Up W" comes to mind but "Durarara" is special. Although to be completely honest I haven't watched much of it (mostly due to life issues and free time being incredibly scarce) what I have seen of it I greatly enjoy. So let's talk "Durarara" and see what's what.

Anime RE-Claimed: A Sister's All You Need

I've watched a lot of anime, "Ninja Scrolls", "Bastard", "Vampire Hunter D", "Serial Experiments Lain" and so on and THIS, this is easily one of those "What am I watching?" animes. Let me back up and start at the beginning. This little gem came to me via Instagram when someone posted the opening scene of the 1st episode and that scene is more than likely infamous now and a good indicator as to what you're about to experience watching this show. That being said, this show hits a number of notes for me and while I won't be binge watching it as much "My Hero Academia" (easily best anime of last year), it's still one of those down to earth animes that still manage to be bat-sh*t crazy. Let's dive in and I'll give you the rundown.

STRANGE LOG: Lord Explosion Murder!

Oh no, look it's another "Strange Log" and yet not a real article...why isn't this a real article? Oh because I'm not entirely sharing my opinion on things but rather blogging about my life and the various goings on, got it. Yeah, it's another Strange Log, yes "I have seen "Justice League"...unfortunately...and yes, I've seen "The Last Jedi", so yeah I'll get to all of that and more. SPOILER WARNING!!! Let's dive in.

Adventures In Drawing Women

Yeah, it's been a good while since I've written anything and there's a valid reason to that, I'm father, have been ever since April so free time is quickly vanishing that and I'm trying to spend more time with my family and overall I'm in kinda of a weird place in life right, we'll get to that. That being said previously I've written an article about my inability to draw women, consider this a follow up to said article as I've (at least in my estimation) greatly improved on my ability to draw women. So here's some things I've discovered on my adventures in drawing women...

*Reader Discretion Advised*