Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Early Concerns For The New "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Movie

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With my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Retrospective done, I can finally focus my attention on Michael Bay's upcoming film and I have quite a bit to say. For starters I want to say that I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO faith in this film, Will Fitchner as The Shredder aside, it just looks awful and I'm going to elaborate why.

For starters in the original trilogy, The Turtles and April came together circumstantially. Everything they were dealing with happened to zero in on a central goal, and if you really think about it, it's not all that far-fetched. Considering that Hamato Yoshi traveled to New York and was murdered by Oroku Saki 15 years ago, Oroku Saki is already a murderer...so what's grand larceny? Not to mention that Shredder was also a ninja, so the fact that he'd apply his skills to his criminal enterprise isn't outside the realm of possibility. April O'Neil is a news reporter and crime has sky-rocketed in her city. Long story short, the first film brought these elements together organically, and Raphael sped up the process by bringing April to their lair. April had no prior connection to The Turtles until then, however the April (unfortunately played by Megan Fox) appears to have a connection with The Turtles in the form of the tired trope of "Your father and the main villain were once friends until we disagreed and I killed him." (dimes to dollars I BET you that's where they take it).

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I'm 100% sure that's the scroll from The 3rd Turtles Movie.

And if such is the case, that April's father was some kinda scientist that aided in the creation of The Turtles then it just jumbles the matter and makes April a surrogate "sister" to The Turtles...*sigh*. It takes away from the larger aspect of The Turtles being cut off from the outside world if they're NOT accidents and intentionally discarded creations of Dr. O'Neil. Also, like Grace Randolph, if they were purposeful creations then why Turtles? And was Splinter created as well? Why a rat? What scientific genius sat down and thought "A rat and turtles, this is what we're gonna go with?". I am HOPING very much that The Turtles weren't previously human and TURNED into the Turtles (I have a feeling that's a potential road they can take) and if that's the case then WOW, that'd suck and again, why a rat and turtles? Their origins will be a MAJOR point of contention in this film.

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Also the stakes appear to be much larger in this film then in the original, it looks like buildings are being destroyed and some kind of militaristic task force is terrorizing the city.
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I have a feeling this is going to grow into something much larger and much more absurd then the (while not terrorist level, nonetheless pressing) crime wave of the original. Since Michael Bay is producing this, I'm imagining a lot of explosions and guns and last I checked the turtles weren't bulletproof.

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Speaking of bulletproof, it looks the turtles in this film are apparently super strong and their shells are able to destroy military trucks.
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While I have no problem with The Turtles being stronger than the average human, I do have a problem with giving them superhero level abilities. While this movie doesn't look like they're doing that completely, the martial arts aspect does appear to be absent and the film has to create some way for The Turtles to successfully compete against what appears to be a militaristic Foot Clan equipped with assault rifles. And if The Foot Clan is now a militaristic force, then why The Shredder? A competent film would probably justify this by saying that "The Shredder" is the name of the armor and I'd allow that.

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But Oroku Saki is CLEARLY wearing a modernized form of ancient samurai and Shogun war uniform, which makes perfect sense because he is from Japan. But for Eric Sachs (and yes, that's The Shredder's name in this film), why make the suit of armor and who EXACTLY is he supposed to be? Oroku Saki was a petty criminal from Japan with a flare for tradition, who is Eric Sachs? The long and short of it is, if it's not broke, don't fix it and this movie appears to be reinventing the wheel and NOT in a good way. Let me know what you think.


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  2. It'd be easier to give TMNT a pass if it was aiming purely for goofy fun, but it keeps taking itself so damn seriously.