Friday, January 13, 2017
What's Going On?
I've been burning out guys, seriously, I've been burning out and I'm not entirely sure why. Wait, no, I am entirely sure why. This burn out is coming from an inability to ignore certain realities in my life that are becoming more and more apparent and making more and more things seem pointless. I'm going to be a father in a few months and in the mean time I have a slew of projects I'd like to tackle. I've had a series I've been writing since 2009 and sadly I haven't been working on it in awhile mostly because of my job. My job is emotionally and psychologically tasking and by the time I get home it's late and I'm far too exhausted to write or focus on anything that isn't completely mundane and unimportant.
Let me back up for a second. I've been burnt out for awhile now. I've produced a webseries on Youtube for 5 years and unfortunately saw VERY little return for my investment. I joined Youtube back in 2009 during the Dragonball Protest and I've made some friends and gained a mild following in but ultimately that didn't do much to justify the hours I put into making videos. Then I started "The Best Of The Worst" & "DEXTER-ity" and "Deconstruction" and my storyline videos and all of these were good but had EXTREMELY limited exposure and I was forced to take most of those videos down due to Blip.tv choosing their favorites and giving my videos the axe. Once again, I put in tons of effort only to see nothing from it. Even this blog. I've constantly said to my wife that my "Pretty Little Liars" reviews were probably the funniest things I've ever written and yet only one person (Guga) has read them. While I'm content with knowing my work is at the very least out there, I'd like some feedback.
I've had this problem since I concluded Season Four and if you have no clue what I'm talking about then that just proves my point. I put a TON of thought behind the production of Season Four making (what I believe to be) clever nods to my favorite and some of the most well known Creepy Pasta stories all the while combining it with The Inglip Mythos in a way that I believe was seamless and in my opinion genius. I'm not giving myself a pat on the back for it BUT I am saying that I doubt most people would spend that much time on a silly little Youtube series that barely generates any views. The effort just doesn't seem worth it. That isn't to say I'm just posting the videos and sitting on my hands waiting for the millions of views to stack up. I've made attempts to promote Season Four on Reddit, to Youtubers who might be interested, the Creepy Pasta and Inglip community BUT alas it seems that whenever I enter into a community the enthusiasm is dead or I'm just flat out late to the party.
Imagine coming across the coolest thing you had ever seen and telling someone about it only for them to say "Yeah, been there done that." and for the most part that doesn't dampen my enjoyment of said thing but it does feel isolating when you can't share with anyone and the people who would be interested in such a thing are no longer interested. For example, some years back I participated in a Holders Revival attempt that went south REALLY fast, so much so to the point where last year I made an attempt to solo revive The Holders Series myself...but again, I thought about it and considered "No one's going to care, The Holders Series has been dead for awhile.". I feel foolish even writing this because I'm essentially whining or maybe I'm just explaining why I'm so sluggish to generate content for this blog and for my Youtube channel...mostly because I'm failing to see a point. As it stands now, I'm a guy looking for a project I can do. I'm still working on "Blue Mist" and I have a TON of work to do on it but for the most part that project is close to finished and I just need to allocate the time and energy to finish up.
At the moment, I'm preparing for yet another pointless project that more than likely no one will see or care about. I'm not sure why I do this when I know I won't get a solid return on my investment. I put too much thought into things that don't yield the valid return and I'm getting tired of doing that but I enjoy doing these projects none the less. I just wish I found a better way to promote myself. Anyway, I'll catch you guys later. Take it easy!